Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Fourteen days plus some

Fourteen days turned into 21, into 36. Three pregnancy tests were negative. ALL THREE. I was very sad. Last weekend I traveled to Chicago. Wondering if, on the smallest chance, I thought about stopping at Walgreen's to buy another test. I told myself that I was being silly- so I did not. Last night when walking in the rain, I slipped on the sidewalk. My left leg went out from under me, and down I went on my right knee. It was had to walk, so I took a taxi back to the hotel. In order to clean my skinned knee I went to the drug store to buy bandages, neosporine and some motrin anticipating pain from the accident.

Just because I had not given up hope. Just because I did not want to take medicine and hurt my little baby. I bought another pregnancy test.

Just because I felt sorry for myself I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Eating ice cream for dinner I called your father and told him about my fall. He was really worried and wished I was home.

Later, before bed I took the pregnancy test. As it developed I had to blink my eyes several times, I could not believe there was a plus sign! After three negatives, a plus!

Clutching it close I crawled into bed and called your dad. He chatted about how he and Smokey are getting ready to go to sleep, and how Smokey is attached to a new toy. I could hear the funny squeaks of the hedge hound in the background. Then I told him that the test was positive, that I was pregnant. Really?!!?!! Now I really wish you were home, he said. I was still so surprised I had to keep looking at the result. At one point while we shared tender words over the phone I started to cry. Happy tears.

The next morning I got up early to fly back to St. Louis. I carried the positive pregnancy test in my carry-on bag. As if I was returning with an award- and so that I could keep peeking- to reassure my self that my eyes were not playing tricks on me!

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